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"People changed"
They said something like that.
I dont think I'm changing bcs i'm growing up.
One thing I know is, I'm already a different person now.
I literally pushed everyone and I had no damn idea why i did that.
I'm feeling uninterested towards things I like most before. Is it because my hormones? I dont think so. Is it because I'm just being lazy? Gosh, i dont know..
The thought that I might suffer from depressed, frighten me.
But to think about, why the hell should I feel depressed?
I didn't thru any tragic phobia or whatever. Or did I?
Ahah, gosh I made my life sounds really pathetic. Dont worry, I'm actually really fine here. God bless my siblings and moms and dad. My sisters and I are really a bunch of crazy freak if you know us well because, dammit.. we always crack the stupidest joke and fangirling over ONE DIRECTION AND EXO together. We never get tired of making noise and laughing, really... I'm really glad for having them :)
Plus, I'm grateful for having those pals who really understand me, and never get tired to approach me. But still, damn... I felt really guilty because i never let them in. I can't.
I have trust issue, I'm paranoid of being an open book. I'm sick of feeling this way, my thoughts are suffocating me. I have to stop feeling so insecure, my self-esteem is getting worst.
I cant even take care of the friendship i dear the most, I have to bear the fact that they are slowly leaving me because I'm being different, they must get really tired of me bcs I'm constantly pushing them away. I know you already giving up on me, I never blame you tho. In fact, I'm still grateful because atleast you never showed me, how upset you are bcs I keep messing up. You still to accept me, you've been always welcome me.
And I still care about you.
And If you feel the same about me,
Just hold on,
I'll try my very best to make things right again.
xoxo
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